AUCMS + Geng Scammers = Kolej Universiti Medikal Badut Sarkas

Ever heard of AUCMS? Err... err... me neither.

Kampus kat mana? Tu tengok kat bawah... alahai.

KEPALA BATAS, 15 Jun (BernamaNot) - Institusi pendidikan perubatan yang tak terkemuka sangat, Allianze University College of Medical Sciences (AUCMS) yang baru dinaikkan taraf sebagai kolej universiti, telah melantik 6 artis tak laku daripada syarikat World Event Management Sdn Bhd (WEM) sebagai duta wadefak kejadahnya minggu lepas.

Presiden AUCMS Datuk Dr. NtahAkuTakKenal berkata 6 artis cokia' berkenaan ialah KhaiPunde, RosmaCiba, AlifBar, SalimaLeleh, LanTai dan pelakon ZurainiWhoTheF?". 

Kesemua 6 artis itu dipilih kerana, "mereka mengamalkan gaya hidup scammers parasitik yang sihat, dan ianya boleh dijadikan satu contoh yang excellent gilababi untuk anak-anak Meleis yang result SPM mereka cukup-cukup makan dan yang dah takde universiti high-class di Malaysia yang nak terima, dan akhirnya sangkut di AUCMS", katanya kepada pemberita yang dipaksa oleh boss masing-masing travel sampai ke Penang untuk menghadiri majlis memperkenalkan duta baru AUCMS, sedangkan beritanya langsung tak menarik untuk dilapurkan. Nobody gonna care, except probably, some desperate people (p/s: pehal ko cakap omputeh pulak dah?).

Beliau berkata buat permulaan mereka berenam akan menandatangi kontrak selama setahun dan sepanjang tempoh berkenaan artis terbabit, mereka akan bertindak sebagai mascot universiti macam badut-evil gitu, di dalam membantu mempromosikan AUCMS sebagai satu destinasi untuk mendapatkan ijazah medikal badut sarkas dan ijazah-ijazah yang seumpamanya. 

"Dengan track-record mereka sebagai bekas badut Akademi Fantasia dan seterusnya karier sebagai geng balaci AC Mangkok-Hayon, pihak universiti merasakan perlantikan mereka wajar dilakukan, sebab terlalu ramai anak orang meleis yang memang cukup minat dengan hal-hal berkaitan dengan artis - walaupun artis tu perangai macam barua mengalahkan orang kapiaq, dan bakat sepaling cokia' macam cib-pund. Dan lagi pulak, 6 barua@artis tersebut pernah direkodkan sebagai pengencing tanpa segan-silu terhadap masyarakat meleis yang dungu, dalam business scam gelang magnetik satu-sen-tarak-guna anjuran dajjal paleketapi AC Mangkok-Hayon sedikit masa dahulu", katanya lagi. 

"They are also cheap... bro. Six of them, all-in", bisiknya kepada pemberita keparat, si barua Aidid Mu'addib.

AUCMS berharap mereka dapat mempamerkan budaya scammers yang berfikiran positif kepada masyarakat meleis low-class dan ini boleh dilakukan melalui aktiviti ko-kurikulum seperti temasya nyanyi-nyanyi off-key dan lain-lain khidmat masyarakat yang akan dianjurkan khas untuk anak-anak meleis yang baru keluar hutan dan tak pernah tahu-menahu tentang hidup scammer bahalol berenam neh. Geng anak meleis yang kuno tahap cipan zaman batu.

Sementara itu, Dr. NtahAkuTakKenal berkata AUCMS bukan sahaja berhasrat melahirkan graduan yang cemerlang dalam bidang perubatan, malah pihak universiti juga berharap graduan AUCMS akan ada yang join skim piramid seperti perniagaan cacing kerawit Hai-O jual korset FIR (FIR tu weh!) haramjadah, seperti contoh dogtor graduan Yogyakarta Indon hari tu. Dan pihak AUCMS juga berharap mereka akan memberikan perkhidmatan cari downline yang first class apabila mereka sudah bergelar doktor berwibawa, satu hari nanti. 

Beliau berkata, "Itulah salah satu sebab kenapa kami memilih badut 6 orang artis cokia' tu sebab mereka cukup berpengalaman dalam mengelentong umat meleis (dan lepas tu cabut lari takmo bertanggungjawab) dalam skim piramid AC Mangkok-Hayon yang pemes tu, sebelum ianya crash, angkara si pengarang keparat Aididleaks yang cilanat. AUCMS akan menawarkan program ijazah Perubatan AUCMS (MD AUCMS) Badut Sarkas yang dijadual memulakan sesi pengambilan pertama pada September ini."

"Kita juga sentiasa menggalakkan pelajar aktif kokurikulum untuk membentuk potensi diri selain membangunkan kemahiran insaniah, jadi perlantikan enam-jahanam ini dirasakan amat bersesuaian dalam aspirasi AUCMS untuk menjadi satu kolej universit badut sarkas, serta menjadi tempat buat business dengan menjaja ijazah MD universiti terkemuka lain kepada anak-anak meleis yang 2nd class, tapi dengan kos 300K-a-pop. Longkah maaa!" katanya lagik kat aku ni ha, bro. 

AUCMS, yang sebelum ini dikenali sebagai ACMS, ditubuhkan sejak 2002 dan merupakan kolej universiti swasta yang berdaftar dengan Kementerian Pengajian Tinggi serta memfokuskan kepada pendidikan perubatan dan sains kesihatan bersekutu. Banyak pelajar yang memasuki ACMS sebelum ini telah melahirkan perasaan tidak puas-hati dengan situasi kolej yang terlalu low-class, dan sekarang dengan berlakunya "bloody stunt" terkini seperti perlantikan 6 orang scammers ini sebagai duta, maka AUCMS telah mengorak langkah yang "full-circle" dalam memastikan taraf kolej ini kekal 2nd rate. 

AUCMS kini menawarkan beberapa jurusan peringkat ijazah antaranya bidang fisioterapi, farmasi, kejururawatan, perubatan bioteknologi, pengurusan (penjagaan kesihatan), pengurusan pelancongan perubatan (perhotelan), sains psikologi, sains (sukan dan kecergasan) dan perubatan komplementari (homeopati, Cina dan ayurveda... aiyoyo dey amma!) serta crash-course dalam bidang badut sarkas yang membawa ijazah yang sure tak laku, well except maybe... to AC mangkok-Hayon... sebab dia memang species mangkok, kole dan pinggan ayan.

- BernamaNot!

KEPALA BATAS, June 15 - The Allianze University College of Medical Sciences (AUCMS) today appointed six young useless scammers artistes as its useless no-good jokers ambassadors. 

Its president, Datuk Dr. IDunnoWho, said the artistes were singer KhaiDic, RosmaDeng, AlifLolz, SalimaYaHabibi, LanDuh and actress ZurainiWhoTF?. 

"The six artistes were chosen because they are living a healthy lifestyle some deluded meleis could be proud of (yeah... that's right), and as real-life living freaking scammers, they can surely become excellent role models for all the meleis students and the even local community here," he told reporters after introducing the AUCMS ambassadors somewhere in the middle of nowhere, today.

For a start, the artistes were bound by a one-year contract and would be involved in putting up a clown-shows once a month at a local Chinese fun-fair near here. They are all expected to do some weird stunts, freaky stuffs, even kinky whatchamacallit, and the occasional tumbling somersaults, in some promotional events and activities organised by the university. 

"We also hope that they will exhibit a positive culture to our students, through their experiences as unrepentent scammers in AC Mangkok-Hayon failed pyramid-scheme magnetic-bracelet business before. And in turn AUCMS is hoping that they will teach a little thing or two about the skills of lying through their teeth in order to get as many downlines dungupiang as possible in any future pyramid-scheme that our students will get into, in Kepala Batas, and even beyond", he said.

Meanwhile, Dr. IDunnoWho said AUCMS was not only aimed at producing excellent doctors, but also pharmacists, physiotherapists, nurses and circus clowns. "We also encourage our students to be active in co-curriculum such as Score A, Hai-O, MonaVie, among others, in campus, in order to develop their potential and interpersonal skills, as it will useful later in their lives, after they graduate and become bonafide pyramid-schemes scammers themselves" he added.

AUCMS offers several degree courses including in physiotherapy, nursing, biotechnology, healthcare management, health-tourism management, psychology, sports science, and complementary medicine, such as those that produce Mickey Mouse dogtors from Colombo, and like stated above, yes, real circus clowns. What the F boss?

- Harian Membiol (edisi omputeh).

Hold on a tick! What's UKM got to do with AUCMS?

Well, excuse meeee... it's a frachise programme for medicine, man! Anyone reading this wanna send or email some complaints about all these crappy shenanigans to Prof. Tan Sri Dato' Wira Dr. Sharifah Hapsah Bt Syed Hasan Shahabudin, the UKM Vice Chancellor? After all, the good name of UKM is also on the line, in this storyline. 

Btw, it's been quite a while since I last saw the VC, back when she was still just a Assoc. Professor. No Tan Sri, no Dato' Wira... way way back. I was just a skinny kid, she was still fairly young actually. Hey, I'm reminiscence here... huh? Yeah, I remember it well. It was the good old days, great times, lots of laughter and piles and piles of books and wonderful new knowledge... before the kicked me out halfway through! Well, being a rubber tapper now, is not that bad. So, no hard feelings, I guess.

  

Salima yang... ko tulih apo tu beb? Ekau jangan typo sain nama sendiri yo?

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Komentar Aidid Mua'ddib

I wonder how on earth the administration of the said college-university had the crappy idea of hiring these 6 well-documented pyramid-scheme scammers as AMBASSADORS for a tertiary educational institution - it's mind-boggling man! Are there no "Mr. Current Affairs" on the staff of AUCMS? Are you all real living true clowns... perchance?

Think about it for a tick - what we have here is an IPTS (up and coming institution is definitely hard to say) that wants to attract new students to do medicine and allied medical sciences programme, because there is MONEY to be made for these unknown businessmen people. It's a damn bloody business that makes lots of money, no one can deny me saying that. Stop acting like AUCMS is trying to help KKM in producing more doctors because of some idealistic reasons and social needs - they do this for the money, man. But, in order to attract parents with big pockets, and students with 2nd-rate SPM results with nowhere else to go, they want to apply the way of pop-culture advertisement in achieving this. God have mercy. Have these people gone mental? And that is not the half of it.

These 6 lousy tits are no role model for education dear sirs and madames... what more medical education. Role models for what in hell, pray tell? For singing off-key and merempit? What is that got to do with education, and with medicine and some pretty teenage skinny girls trying to take up courses to be a nurse (and become a fat missy 20 years later)? And what is much worse - these six no-good lousy freaking fuckers was working with AC Mizal not a few months ago - selling useless trinkets - some lousy magnetic bracelets that promises non-existent medical benefits to clueless stupid no hope orang Melayu. Alternative medicine my ass! It was a RM200 million hengget SCAM... move along bitches. What the hell boy?

Am I talking shit here? Their involvement in AC Mizal's freaking pyramid-scheme has been extensively documented here in this blog by yours truly. Imagine the feeling of all those orang Melayu (stupid as they are, never you mind) that took up all those personal loans to buy a bunch of RM38 bracelets at a price of RM1000... woohoohoo! Just think about it - can you feel what those pissed off people are feeling right now? Those six useless buggers were the same lousy dumbshits that influenced those thousands of meleis in buying those useless mangkok-hayon bracelets made in Guangzhou, with a promise of money in return for their "investment" in that pyramid-scheme... which amounts to nothing in the end, except lots of people having loans that need to be paid for years to come. These six lousy human beings (or monkeys, some people claimed) must be proud of their accomplishment. Yeehaaa! Fucking assholes.

Now, come AUCMS with their short-sightedness and misplaced intention. What a bunch of jokers you people must be. Not Heath Ledger funny, no sir. But Heath Ledger's psycho... oh yes. Those six people don't deserve to be appreciated and they definitely should not be role models to students in college. Did those six people achieve anything substantial in their education, by the way? Doctors, lawyers, engineers, scholars... what? What kind of a sick joke that a college hires some low quality no-good singers as their representatives? These are AUCMS ambassadors? They should not be there dear sirs. Where they should be is IN JAIL - for all that they had done to thousands of Malay people that involved losses in millions of ringgit in a blatant scam of a pyramid-scheme. Am I getting through here? Hellooooo... anybody home? You people didn't do your homework properly huh? A real colllege-university for circus clowns - that's what AUCMS is now. Is that what you call positive publicity and advertisement? Are you all somewhat daft? WTFFIR?

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Salima beb, ko campak kawan sebelah ko tu masuk gaung, bleh?

Boleh kita berduo main-main doktor-misi.

Memang boleh buat modal neh... Whaaaaaaat?